The perfect woman is always a contradiction in a pretty outfit. Pretty pretty princess in her pretty pretty tower. untouched. virtuous. All of that bullshit they force feed you while you're little and your brain is like a dry sponge, just soaking up everything around it. Purity culture is that little voice that says,2 ‘if you can just manage your body correctly, you'll be safe. No one will call you names. No one will look at you like you're all used up!” But the truth is the opposite. Its a system designed so you can never fully win because pure is always shifting depending on who's looking. Sometimes I think about how purity talk is just capitalism's favorite kink. Like, literally. You create a product (enter the "good girl” the “wife material" or “the gold star”) you create scarcity (not everyone can be her) then you create fear (if you lose the status you lose the love). DING DING DING! And there you have it. 

People spend their whole lives paying into that fear Paying with their bodies. Paying with their silence. Paying with their shame. And shame is the real currency. Purity culture runs on shame OH YES because shame keeps you manageable and Shame keeps you asking, am I still acceptable? It's more like a surveillance camera. always on. Your past gets dragged into the present and The grossest part is how it spreads through women too. Like we start policing each other because we've been taught that safety comes from ranking. That if we can place another woman beneath us we'll be spared. We get to keep our place in the room. Its so fucking humiliating seriously, realizing how easily the mind will reach for a hierarchy when afraid. Who needs it? Someone who thinks desire is dangerous or Someone who thinks love is conditional and can be revoked at any time. Someone who doesn't trust pleasure unless it's supervised. I leak with grief. Grief for a world where you could learn yourself and safely make mistakes. I still feel that little spike of panic sometimes. What if I've done too much? What if I've done it wrong? what if Im not clean enough to be loved?and then fucking Im furious because those arent even my thoughts.itsa cage and it convinces you the bars are your own morals.convinces you its freedom because you
can decorate it. But I don't want a decorated cage. the goal isn't to stay untouched.the goal is to stay human.